I'm Ready!

It's the end of my "taper" week.  My legs are rested and stretched.  My clothes for Saturday are washed and ready.  I have been eating well and drinking a lot of water.  My garmin is fully charged.  I'm definitely ready to do this.  I feel so relaxed and prepared, without being too fixated on the event.  Honestly, I find myself forgetting that I even have the half marathon this Saturday.  I begin making plans for the weekend and then stop myself because I'm already booked for Saturday morning.  It's a funny feeling.

Now, if I could just do something about this weather forecast...

Do What You Love

Whether you were a fan of Steve Jobs or not, his message is pretty compelling. 

This is a reminder to make your own choices and pursue your passion.  At the end of the day, the only person you have to answer to is yourself.

It's not the same...

Wow...I just realized that it's October 5th, which means my half marathon is 10 days away!  I'm not sure how to feel about it.  When I ran my first half marathon in April, I was so diligent about sticking to my training plan.  I was able to complete all of my runs each week, and felt fully prepared in the days leading up to the race. 

Since it was my first, I was so focused on the upcoming date that I thought about it all the time.  This time, I have been much more relaxed about the whole process, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing.  I have been training, but I have missed a lot more runs that I would like.  I can still pound out the miles on my long runs, but I have been missing a lot of my mid-week short runs.  When I looked at the calendar today and realized it's already October 5th, I paused for a minute.  How did I get so close to race day without realizing it.  The half isn't consuming all of my waking thoughts and I'm not counting down the days until the event.  It's interesting how much it has become just another long run to me.  The excitement and anticipation that I felt with my first half has been replaced with a calm energy and sense of ability that I didn't have the last time.  I know what it feels like to cross that finish line and I'm not nervous about my ability to do so.  I can only hope my lack of mid-week running won't affect my ability to actually do it.  I guess we'll see what happens on the 15th!

The Numbers Game

Growing up, I was always the chubby friend.  I wasn't outrageously overweight, but I was what one would call "pleasantly plump."  When I hit puberty, I gained weight and developed breasts pretty quickly.  This left my short, stocky frame looking quite "fluffy."  In addition, I had just discovered the pleasure of Dr. Pepper, Orville Redenbacher's cheese popcorn, bologna sandwiches and the dessert line in my middle school cafeteria.  My parents raised  me on a very healthy diet, but let me make my own food choices once I left elementary school.  Like many young teenagers, I enjoyed the freedom of eating junk food.  It wasn't unusual for me to get home from school on any given day in middle school and down two Dr. Peppers while eating an entire bag of cheese popcorn.  I ate because I loved the taste of the junk food, but more than that, I ate to avoid the emotions and angst of being an awkward, unpopular middle schooler.  The weight crept on, and I became more and more unhappy about how I looked.

When I entered high school, I became very aware of my chubbiness and became obsessed with how I looked and, more importantly, the number on the scale.  During my four years in high school, that number on the scale became the most important number to me.  I obsessed over it and convinced myself that if it was just a few digits lower, I would be happier, prettier, nicer, etc.  I decided that all of my problems were a result of the number I saw on the scale.  So, I became obsessed with keeping it down.  I was no longer the chubby girl on the outside, but inside I was still that plump pre-teen who felt bigger than everyone around her.  Luckily, my obsession with dieting and food restriction, while horrible unhealthy, never became a severe eating disorder.  Sure, I had disordered eating issues, but I was not so severe that I could be labeled anorexic or bulimic.  Instead, I followed the path that many high school girls (and some boys) follow.  I tried numerous diets, I bought and took diet pills, I restricted my food and drank diet soda to curb the growling in my stomach. 

By the time I hit college, for some reason or another, I became less focused on the number on the scale and more focused on the way my clothes fit and the kinds of food I was putting into my body.  I grew into myself and began to see who I was and what I wanted from the world.  I became comfortable with my differences and began to understand that we all come in different shapes and sizes, and the number on a scale doesn't matter much.  College is a time for opening your mind and figuring out who you are, and this was especially true for me.

As I began to age and my metabolism began to slow down, I began to gain weight once again.  Add two children into the mix and a hectic job, and it's easy to put on a few pounds without even noticing.  Throughout the past decade, I became obsessed with the number on the scale once again.  I  dieted and counted calories and exercised in an attempt to lose the weight that I put on over the years.  Now, I know that the weight needed to come off.  I was unhealthy.  However, more than losing weight, what I needed to do was get myself healthy and in shape.  Which is what I did.  After Bennett was born two years ago, I redefined my idea of what is healthy. I watched what I ate, I exercised, and then I started running.  I fully committed to a healthy, active lifestyle and my body responded by shrinking down to the shape and size it is meant to be.  I lost over 60 pounds (after gaining about 50 during pregnancy).   But, more than that, I developed an understanding that my health and well-being is not determined by a number on a scale.  It's determined by how active I am and the types of food I put into my body.  I stopped weighing myself and focused instead on being healthy and active.

Recently, I started weighing myself once again.  I gained 3 pounds over the summer, which is actually not a significant gain.  But, for some reason, I became obsessed with the number on the scale.  I fretted over the weight gain and decided that I have to lose the 3 pounds (plus a few more).  I began to think that everything would be better if I just weighed a little less.  Then, the other day, as I was reflecting on my journey toward health, I finally realized that I'm acting just like my anxious, hormone-ridden teenage self used to act.  I had to remind myself that I am healthy and active. I eat lots of fruits and vegetables and whole grains.  I exercise regularly.  I make sure my family is active.  So, I should be happy with my body because it is able to do everything I ask of it.  Three pounds doesn't really matter.  My body is the shape and size it is meant to be.  Three pounds doesn't define me. It doesn't determine my self worth.  The number on the scale is not the most important number.

Redefining Success

I was all set to post tonight about my need to get back on track with calorie-counting so that I can lose the last couple of pounds that are still hanging around.  I was going to start using sparkpeople again and put my plans to count calories and limit my food intake out there in the blogosphere so that I can be held accountable.  I was writing the post in my head, with examples of my weekly menu options and food choices already pre-determined. 

This was my plan all day.  Then, something changed.  On my drive home from work, in a rare moment of quiet self-reflection, I realized that I was looking at it all wrong.  Sure...I might have a little softness still around the edges.  Sure...I might not be at the lowest weight possible for my body type.  Sure...I do indulge a little too often in extra snacks.  But, I'm also a healthy, active, fit person who expects a lot of my body.  I run numerous days throughout the week.  I walk my dogs.  I swim.  I bike.  I play and dance with my children.  I take on a lot of extra projects and activities and expect my body to perform with little complaint.  And you know what?  It does.  My body is strong and capable, and it rarely complains when I expect it to take on a new challenge.  So, rather than focus on what is wrong with my body, I have decided to appreciate everything it can do.

I eat healthy and stay active.  I don't need to restrict my food intake.  Instead, I need to make sure I'm being as healthy and active as possible, and trust that my body will be the shape and size it is intended to be.  After all, isn't that what healthy living is all about?

Life got in the way...

It has been quite the week!  I haven't been able to blog, but I plan to start again in the next few days.  Not that I have much of a following...but, it's still important that I stick with it.

So, I'll be back soon with some great posts about exercise, food and life in general.

I hope the week is treating you well!

Done!

I decided to end my Clean Food Challenge after a week instead of ten days.  When I did the original challenge, it was only a week long.  For some reason, I thought doing a ten day challenge this time would make me feel even "cleaner."  However, once I hit the one week mark, I decided that I was ready to be done.  Any longer, and I think I would have ended up feeling burned out and negative about the experience.  Instead, I'm ending the challenge feeling great about my success and more mindful about my body and what I put into it.  Like last time, I'm not going to deny myself any foods, but I am going to pay closer attention to what I'm eating.  I have come to realize that I have a pretty significant sugar addiction, and I need to make sure I don't let myself eat too much of it.  I firmly believe in eating everything in moderation and still plan to enjoy sweet treats occasionally, but I have to remember that "occasionally" is the operative word.  I'm also going to make sure I try to avoid refined sugar as much as possible and use alternatives that are more natural.  Other than sugar, I'm ready to introduce the other "restricted" foods back into my life.  I don't believe in complete deprivation, and have no need to eliminate entire food groups from my diet.  Obviously, if I had food sensitivities or dietary choices (i.e. vegan) that required the elimination of certain food groups, I would do it.  But, I think a healthy diet should contain a lot of variety and moderate amounts of all of the food groups. 

Now that the challenge is over, I'm ready to move to the next phase of Operation: Summer Damage Control.  I'm ready to add new forms of exercise to my routine so that I can improve my fitness and keep myself from getting bored.  As a runner, I consider myself pretty fit.  However, what I have come to realize is that running (and the occasional elliptical session) isn't enough to keep my body fit.  I need to incorporate other forms of exercise so that I use all of my muscles and improve my fitness.  So, I spent the past week reading through other blogs and thinking about the kinds of exercise I want to add, and I have come up with this:

Running:  3 - 4 times a week with at least one of the runs being a long run of 7 - 10 miles

Cross Training: 1 - 2 times a week - alternate between swimming, spinning, and the elliptical

Strength Training: 2 - 3 times a week

Yoga/Pilates: 1 - 2 times per week

I'm going to start out with this plan and see how it works for me.  Having it written down will keep me accountable and, hopefully, more likely to be successful.  It will require some changes in my schedule to make sure I fit everything in, but I'm positive it will be worth it in the end.  I know that the addition of these different exercises will help me improve my fitness, make me a stronger runner, and most importantly, keep me healthy and grounded.