I've got this!

OK, so after my last post about marathon training, I spent the next few days consumed with fear.  I read other bloggers' accounts of the marathons they have completed with panic rising in my chest.  I let my mind run wild with self-doubt and negative questions. What did I sign up for?!  Why would I ever think I could actually do this?  I don't even want to run for 26.2 miles!

But then, as these things tend to work out, the clouds parted and I began to feel OK again.  It didn't happen immediately, but over a period of a few days I began to feel better.  I stopped reading the race recaps on my favorite blogs with fear and read them with excitement instead.  I began to talk to my friends who are also running the VT marathon, and I started to imagine myself crossing that finish line on race day.  Then, last Saturday, I ran my 12 mile long run.  It was pretty cold outside and very windy.  I ran with three other women that I run with regularly, two of whom are also regsitered for the VT marathon.  One is a first-timer like me and the other has completed two other marathons.  So, we met early on Saturday and pounded out 12 miles.  Seriously, we pounded them out.  It wasn't overly difficult, even though the wind was brutal, and I didn't struggle with the run at any point.  It was just a typical weekend long run.  Later in the day, one of my running buddies sent me a text telling me that she felt surprisingly good after the run, and I replied with "me too!"  And, that's when it all came together for me.  Over the past 2.5 years, I have been building myself up as a runner.  I have gone from running 1.5 miles with great difficulty to being permanently trained for a half marathon (that was my goal last year and I accomplished it).  At this point, I can easily run 11 - 13 miles on a weekend long run and not even feel it.  That's quite an accomplishment in 2.5 years.  So, there's no reason to doubt my ability to run 26.2.  Will it be tough?  I'm sure it will.  Will I struggle?  I'm sure I will.  Can I do it?  Absolutely!

So much of half and full marathon training is mental.  If you put in the miles each week, your body will be able to make it through the distance at the end.  But, training is more than physically training your body.  It's really about training your mind.  Ask anyone who has struggled through an "easy" three mile run.  There is so much doubt that creeps into your mind when you are training for something like this.  There are so many moments on a long (or short) run when you feel like you can't keep going.  When you doubt yourself as a runner.  Those are the moments that we dig deeper and find something in ourselves that we thought wasn't there.  There's no greater feeling than finishing a difficult run and knowing that you kept running even when you felt like you couldn't.  Sure, there are plenty of physical struggles that runners endure - calf cramps, side cramps, knee pain, dehydration, bathroom issues, etc. - but the mental challenges are the ones that shake us at our core.  Those are the challenges that require us to go deep inside ourselves and find something that will help us endure.  That something is different for everyone, but the challenge is the same.

I know that I will continue to struggle through the rest of my marathon training.  I will have bad runs and good runs. I will have days when I am terrified about the upcoming race and  days when I can't wait for it to get here.  I will continue to doubt myself and be plagued with negative thoughts.  But, I will also discover a strength in myself that I don't always remember is there.  I will push myself to the edge, and find a way to keep going.  I will embrace my mental demons and find ways to overcome them.  By the time I cross that finish line, I know that I will be better because of it...all of it...the good and bad.  That's what running has done for me.  It has taught me to persevere and face my fears head on.  It has taught me that I am capable.  It has taught me that the struggle is part of the journey and that it is up to me to carry on.

This is it...

I'm leaving tonight for Saratoga.  My team starts our Ragnar legs at 8am tomorrow.  To say I'm freaking out is an understatement.  I have reached the point in my nervousness where I am questioning why I ever signed up for this in the first place.  I'm also trying to find any reason to drop out.  But, I have 11 other people relying on me, so I can't.  I guess I just have to get through it.  I hope it ends up being a good event.  It doesn't help that they're calling for rain both days.  Oh well, it is what it is.

I'll see you on the other side...

I'm not afraid

Consistently Inconsistent.  That's me...or at least my blogging.  But, unlike before, I'm not going to fret about it.  I have lots to say, and I'm going to put it out there for you to read.  But, I can't commit to a schedule and that's OK.  Posts will appear as I have the time/energy/motivation to write them.  This is my "crazy"time at work, and I'm definitely feeling it.  Which means some of the other things in my life will receive less attention.  Since I'm not willing to allow that to be my children or husband or my own health and fitness, things like blogging and TV watching are the logical victims.  I'm still eating healthy and exercising, and I have a lot of posts half-written in my head.  Soon enough, I'll commit them to paper screen.  On the plus side, I'll have a ton of posts in October when I finally begin catching up :)

The big fitness focus right now is training for Ragnar.  I suddenly realized it is only two weeks away, and I'm starting to feel that familiar anxious feeling I get whenever an event gets close.  Do you guys get that too?  I know that I'll be able to physically do it, but I'm still a ball of nerves and anticipation.  This event is a big "out of my comfort zone" event, and I know it will result in some sort of personal growth.  But, with growth comes fear.  Honestly, I'm more worried about the in-between stuff than I am about the three runs I have to do.  I know I can handle those.  What I'm concerned about is how I will handle sharing space with six other people during the 30 hour time frame.  I don't think I have ever mentioned it on here, but I have an intense fear of other people throwing up.  I know it's weird, but it's true.  I totally panic and freak out.  So, I'm already nervous that someone in my group will get sick in the van...seriously, I'm so nervous that it is something I'm thinking about each day.  So, for me, this part of the event is much more challenging than the running part.  But, as one of my favorite people once said:

Do one thing every day that scares you

                                      -Eleanor Roosevelt

So, I'm embracing my fear and using Ragnar as an opportunity to grow.  I know there will be scary and intense moments that take me out of my comfort zone, and that's exactly what I need.  There is always opportunity for personal growth, and we need to seize those opportunities.  So, I'm seizing mine.  Let's just hope I continue to remember that as I wait for September 28th to get here.

So, what are you going to do today that scares you?

Plattsburgh Half Marathon: A PR and an Adventure!

So, today was the half marathon and I'm happy to report that I finished strong in spite of major calf cramping the last two miles.  This is the first half marathon I ever ran (last April), so it has a special place in my heart.   It's a great course and I just love the whole vibe of the race.   It's a local race for me, which makes it even better.

This was my third half marathon, and I have to admit that I went into this one with a lot of anxiety and self-doubt.  It's strange, because I was more nervous than I was the first time I ran a half marathon.  I finally figured out that it was because my last half marathon was a pretty awful one.  I started out strong but ended up walking most of the last mile because of severe leg cramping, and my final time was actually 9 minutes slower than my first half marathon.  So, I think I had some fear that I would have the same problems again this time.

I started out really strong this time and felt confident most of the run.  This half had a relay, so I was able to see my time at the halfway point.  When I ran through the relay exchange, the clock said 1:00:15, and I was elated.  For me, this was a fantastic time.  It meant I was actually running faster than I thought.  The second half of the run was great...until I hit mile 11.  Just like my last half, my calves started to cramp up.  I ran the last two miles with charlie horses in both of my legs.  It wasn't fun.  But, unlike last time, I made myself keep running.  I knew that if I stopped I would never start running again.  So, I reduced my speed, found my groove and just kept running.  It wasn't the most enjoyable experience, and I had to do a lot of bargaining with myself and give myself a lot of motivational talks during those last two long miles.  But, in the end, I was OK.  I didn't stop to walk and I crossed the finish line feeling strong and proud.  My time was 2:07 (still waiting for the exact chip time).  Last year, I ran the same race in 2:13:37, so this was an improvement for me.  It was also a PR!  I feel good about my results, even though I was secretly hoping to be under 2:05.  If my legs hadn't cramped the last two miles, I would have met my secret goal.  Oh well, I guess I'll just have to train better for the next one.

So, that's the first half of my post, but what is the adventure part of all this, you ask?

Well, I didn't wear my Garmin during the race.  I know this might not seem like a big deal to some of you, but it's huge for me.  I'm a bit addicted to my Garmin.  I need to use it so I can know at all times how far and fast I'm running.  Quite honestly, I think sometimes it does more harm than good.  So, since I was already feeling anxious about this run, I decided t leave my watch at home and just listen to my body.  I ran the whole 13.1 miles paying attention to the cues my body was giving me and reassured myself that I would run the half in the amount of time that my body was capable of running.  Other than the time clock at the halfway point, I had no idea how fast I was running.  It was actually really liberating.  Sometimes I become fixated on my watch and ruin my run because I put too much pressure on myself.  I really liked running without it today.  So, I think I'm going to leave it at home more often.  I'm still going to use it...just not for every run.

Learning the Ropes

So, I have this thing coming up the first weekend in August...you know, my first triathlon.  Anyway, I feel nervous and excited about the whole thing.  It's not a huge tri.  The swim is 1/2 a mile, the bike is 18 miles and the run is 4 miles.  But, it's still my first and I'm taking it very seriously.

Even though the event is still months off, I'm trying to slowly prepare for it.  I recently start swimming once a week and I'm quickly learning all the rules.  I find swimming intimidating.  Not the act of swimming.  I'm actually a pretty strong swimmer.  It's the whole public pool thing.  First of all, I'm pretty freaked out by public pools.  I think they're really gross.  But, I know that I have to use one if I'm going to train for the tri.  After all, it's still winter in Upstate NY, and I don't think a swim in the lake would be a very good idea, even if we are having unseasonably warm temperatures.  Also, I'm really intimidated by all of the other swimmers who are in the pool during lap swim time...especially when I have to share a lane with someone because it's too busy, which seems to happen a lot.  A few weeks ago I showed up at the pool and all of the lanes were in use.  It was the first time I experienced a full pool.  I didn't want to ask someone if I could share a lane, so I just turned around and went home.  Then, I stayed away from the pool for a couple of weeks.  I found reasons (excuses) not to swim.  Obviously, this won't work for me if I want to build up my swimming endurance.  So, this Saturday I went to the pool prepared to confront my fears about lane sharing.  I had a little pep talk with myself on the way there.  What, you don't talk to yourself on the way to the gym?  Oh well, I guess we all have our quirks.  When I got to the pool, all of the lanes were in use.  So, I just stood there clutching my swim cap and goggles and stared nervously at the pool.  Luckily, at that moment a woman got out.  I thought I was going to get away free and clear, but she was just getting a kick board to swim with.  I took it as my opportunity and walked up to her and asked if I could share a lane.  She smiled and said "Of course."  I felt so much better and realized it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

During my swim, I had to pay attention to her and make sure I wasn't crowding her.  At first, it felt awkward.  But, over time we got into a groove and I ended up having a really great swim.  So, I guess I can figure all of this out.  One thing is certain, the next time I go to the pool, I won't feel nervous if all of the lanes are full.